the Next hop...

Where will be my next hop?

Hob nobbing with the guys of hip hop

or

jamming with the girls who love to snob?


Out there is an ocean full of surprises...

Fishes, sharks, of different species.


I don't know what i will do next....

I'll just go with the ebb and flow of life...


9 days to go guys!

A Dreamer

I always daydream about the future.We always do.Lonely years have passed. 25 years of confusion, failure, rejection and fears. Technically, i've never felt special other than my family. I chased love like it was something i can grab with all my might. Bitter is the adjective that i should connect with my name. Bitter Me.I always found myself having moments of inner sorrow, silent cries and emotionally haunted.Trying to let out my feelings would be detrimental. I woundn't wanna be a laughing stock, which i have always been. I wear a jolly face, but underneath those smiles, i possess internal breakdown. Much of my thoughts were possessed with what ifs and how about, and what could have been. I have been brave enough to finnish every battle i've been through, but still drown into the ravaging tempest.Is there hope? Are there chances that i might be happy with someone?I just want to experience it once.Once is enough.Or is it just one of the millions of my dreams.Am i just going to be a dreamer?A Dreamer.

Impotence

Something derailed me completely....

anxious...
have nothing to say....

have nothing to explain...

i wanted to ask...

i wanted to know...

i hardly can comprehend...

how far will it take my senses....

far.farther.lost.

release me from this fear....

untie me from this feeling...

am i?

what am i?

have i been?

will it be?

could it be?

impotence.

Deafness

DEAF....
one can just see....
one can just feel...
one can just grasp...
for life... for hope... for might....
let me see your laughter, let me feel your heartbeat...

can i hold your hand...

let me feel you are special...
does my actions show it?

am i making you happy, loved and adored?
is this just another nightmare?
no...i won't allow the devil's game get into me....


NOISE...


i can only feel it vibrate...


WAS IT LOUD?

i guess it vibrated...

WAS IT LOUD?

i can only feel...

Kill

Kill me with your love.remind me...time is passing by.love me...would you please hang on.kill me...i'd more be pleased.do more that what you can do to me...i'd gladly break the root of adoration.skip, hop, bother, never mind.i would not care if you would do anything.anything is possible right now...possibly take me to forever....remind me...love me...kill me...with the sorrowyou left.

Smog

Smog...i saw your face thru the mist,
delighted was i? beloved was you?
i dont know? it pertains to a Shakesperean tragedy.
life growls, bitter, grief.
the mighty desperate man wants to fade.
electrocuted by tomorrow, hanged by today,
it kills your senses slowly.
contaminated by pleasures, addiction lead to a tempest,
the sea doesnt know where the currents went, tormented by the soulful pains.
sailing thru the shadows of towers, navigating in the deep dark forestlost,
the smog is fading...
you were still there.
premonitions tell me... cigarettes cloud your brain.
literally.
the smog....that comes from your lips...
i was delighted. i was mesmerized.
but i wasn't sure. i wasn't aware.
beliefs make me believe.
that wishes cannot make you whole
.it just adorns your astonishment of vivid sorrows of the smog
that you left....

Encapsulated

i've written your name in my mind

i've allowed to let you peek in my alcove

nothing seems to dwell

only frustrations were taken into account.

take my hand, but you refused

i kiss the air for you have forsaken my lips to touch yours

i wanted to embrace happiness, but it always slips away

just tell me to fadenothing more can fixate me

only your face that illuminates my nightmares

you are a slumber session away

given the chance to sleep with depression

pick up the pieces of life

for they shall consist my shattered present

i'd never know how pain would cost more than a trillion

money is my harsh companion

you have made me rattled

but the commotion inside my soul penetrates me until tomorrow

i would not know what the sea would offer

but i can sail away from the confinement of my

sorrow

Getting There?

Luck always comes in the most unexpected state...i guess it justifies the word itself nor the thought that it comes unexpectedly?we tend to see it as an avenue for great opportunities.Luck defines pure coincidence too, or it just arrives instantaneously?i'm just happy, but also sad that luck has arrived already!i guess i just have to be ready with the consequences and challenges it entails.after all, im one hell of a lucky person.

Saturday?

free this weekend?

no, i said...free this friday?

i guess no...why did i refuse?

i dunno....im not just up for it....

i feel nothing, nothing can make me stand from where i sit.

saturday?

its just another day....
an ordinary day...
nothing special....

Guys!

I shall be publishing my old poems and posts here from my old and antiquated blog... hehehe enjoy reading!

farewell

Farewell to the sands that allow me to be free,
Now i shall set my sails far from thee...

Let me be grateful for the lust and money i recevied,
For it shall grace my days for they are mine to be achieved.

I call upon the storm of love concealed within your abode,
Never did I felt so burdened and carried a heavy load.

I shall now return to the dusty streets of my mother land,
They shall blow the horns with a marching band.

Thank you again for this wonderful journey that has born,
For they shall be my treasure until I am gone...

Entrance

You were in peace when I came restless,
I found you polished while I was tarnished.

I never thought of having to twist your fate,
Nor, giving me your sublime faith.

You never did something, but I felt something.
From nothing, my life became fascinating.

But, what can I say, do I have the right to turn things around?
Or i'll just make an entrance out of your life....

When i woke up, i felt like this....

I feel bewildered, i feel distraught.i feel insane, i feel empty.

What have I done to myself, what must i do?

Since nowhere to be found, the passion in you....

Another Equation....go figure....

Just a quote...

Love in it's truest form has no language or words, it just has a thousand and one actions we all wish we could describe.

Love Quotes by Kenneth B. Emery

I Find my Happiness in Loving You

I find my happiness in loving you.
Though my love is not returned, I don't mind waiting.
The woods are a cathedral where I pray
For the beauty and grace that lie within my heart.

You hold me and we kiss, and yet not yet
Is there the unity that love must crave.
You want me, but not as I want you:
This truth is like a wreckage on my sea.

There's no one else I hunger for, nor touch
That makes me feel I must take off my skin;
And so I'll wait as years pile up like leaves,
And long with the lonely patience of the moon.

Nicholas Gordon

Unrequited Love... (very nice poem.. i got from a website)

still, i don't have my poems with me... so im searching for the good stuff for now...

Unrequited Love

I am, in your absence, incomplete...

Each day too empty, each night too long,

Following shadows down an empty street

Thinking, each corner I turn will be the one

Where you’ll be waiting for me.

Alone in a crowd, I seem to see you just ahead,

But as I push my way to go where you seem to go,

I do not find you...someone else instead

Bears the form that made my heart lurch so!

Sometimes I hear your voice across the street,

Or someone smiles the same way you smile,

And just for a moment, you are here with me

And I with you for just a little while.

Always the quest, the seeking and yearning,

Waking in the night, saying your name

Then restless slumber, the constant dreaming

Only to find in the light of morning...

After all...everything’s still the same.

~Copyright © Havi~

Poems. poems. poems...

Can't get enough...so ill be posting them tomorrow night...
Maybe ill be posting more....
But for now...

Let me rant...

Just when i thought i found someone...

They just go and disappear... they fade away and never to come back...

Such a tragedy....

Losing Love...

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I fell in love. And there was laughing and funny breaths and happiness. There was much rejoicing. And then, SHUT! Over. Gone. Dead. Completely cut off. Disconnected. The taste still fresh in my mouth. The smell still on my skin. The feeling left in my fingertips. But I can't get that feeling back. I may spend my entire life trying to get back into that Polariod. Fighting all the way. The best thing I have ever known. Even now, years later, anytime I come close to it I want to dive in. Sink or swim. I don't care. I would give anything to be even in the room next to it. Across the street. A breath away. Remembering what I never let myself forget. Looking someone in the eye and knowing; another time, another place, it is right there. In front of me. Within reach. Just open my fingers and wrap them around it. Hold it tightly. And never let it go. Never. Never. I fought. I fought hard. But only with myself. Sometimes I wonder if I should have fought harder. With her. With it. Tried to work it out. It all made sense for about fifteen seconds. Just enough time to say, ?You're right.? What the hell was I thinking. Why didn't I say . . . . something. My line of thinking was ?if she doesn't want it, I don't want to push it.? Why try to keep her where she doesn't want to be? But she did want to be there. She had to. She was happy. There were nights I cried. When we were together and then I took her home and on the way home I cried. Not because I was sad, or even missed her already, but because I was happy. So happy I couldn't contain myself. I talked to God. Whether I believed in him or not. And I said thank you. Over and over. Again and again. I couldn't believe it was real. That I could actually touch her. Kiss her. Look into her perfect green eyes and see myself. But I could. I had seen her before. IN the coffee shop. And I said to myself ?I would give up everything if she would even turn my way.? She was light years beyond me. Another plane. Another class. Confident, beautiful, at peace. So sure. Not for me. I couldn't even dream it. No way could I ever make it real. Did she feel what I felt? I have to believe she did. If I didn't it would be so hard to breathe. So hard to get up in the morning. So hard to be. No one will be her. No one will have those green eyes. No one will have that one lock of hair hiding all her secrets. And no one, ever again (shudder) will make me whole. Not like that. I'm scared. I'm so scared. What if it is real? What if never? What if I'm right? Do you ever wonder, do you ever ask yourself, ?can I live without love?? Can I open my eyes? I'm afraid to. There is a feeling. You know it. This trembling completeness. This warmth. That makes everything big. And you are ten feet tall all the time. Everyone is looking at you. You are the one. The one she chose. The one she calls when everything is wrong, and when everything is right! She is the one who reaches out for you. For me. She once said ? I need you.? I was done. That was what I was looking for all my life. Those words. For something so pure as this creature to need ME! Could not be real. Could not be my life. But it was. Of course, it WAS! It isn't anymore. It is gone. So far away. And it will never be there again. I see little pieces of it everywhere. A glance, a smile, a touch. I feel desperate. I feel alone. So much out there. But I only want to hear one thing. Not sure what. But I will know. If I ever get the chance. I will stretch out my fingers, grasp it tightly, and NEVER LET IT GO! But till then; I will be here. With my open hand. And my desperate heart. And my cold skin. Slowly, regrettably, forgetting just enough that I can survive from one day to the next. To remember is to suffer. To see what was and then look at what is. To hear a voice, feel my heart stop. Watch my breath studder in the cold. She. She can be almost anyone. She can read me like a book. I will open to any page for anyone. Cover to cover. Nothing to hide. Not the fear, the pain, or the hopelessness. It is all there. Large print ; easy to read. Secrets dissolve in tears. Dissipating into honesty, innocence, need. I was lost and now I'm found. I was blind but now I see. Maybe I don't want to. ..

Sad Love Quotes...

The top ten sad love quotes i got from www.about.com
1. Kahlil GibranEver has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
2. William Butler YeatsHearts are not had as a gift, But hearts are earned...
3. AnonymousThe saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.
4. Tennessee WilliamsThere is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go.
5. Samuel ButlerIt is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
6. Toni BraxtonHow could an Angel break my heart? Why didn’t he catch my falling star? I wish I didn’t wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart.
7. Charlie BrownNothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
8. Vanessa WilliamsYou wondered how you’d make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you’re looking for, is the one thing you can’t see.
9. Herman HesseSome of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
10. Anais NinLove never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

Chaos

There are certain things in life that we must face, CHANGE.

Change in our lives may be so drastic, slow or enigmatic.

Change in our lives may mean devastation, victory or nothing.

Change can be a great deal in one person's life.

I may have found a person to love, but changes have been made and i cannot undo what has been done.

I don't really know what to say now, all i know is that, i might have found you but definitely im not the one for you...

The Search for Happiness...

Why would someone christen their blog " the search for happiness".

Clearly a lot of people may or may not define the word, happiness.

I cannot yet clearly define what happiness is to me, but i am on a mission. I've got to seek for it and what does happiness mean for myself.

In this quest, i'd like people across the globe to be a part of my journey and how shall i discover that wonder.

It maybe something, someone, or may be you.

This blog is in its thrust to express what i feel in varied emotions and levels of sanity....

Let the blog begin!